Mixed Feelings.
So, apparently I’m getting skinnier.
I know my cheek bones are definitely more defined.
I didn’t think anything else changed, but apparently according to my boyfriend I’ve lost a couple more pounds.
He sounds really worried. >.>
But I still think I’m fat.
All I see is fat.
And I’ll get fatter if I keep up this eating and purging act.
Two days in a row I’ve eaten and then purged it.
I hate it.
I’ve just been completely drained and stressed this week.
Finals are next week and our teachers think that giving us projects and papers due tomorrow and Monday will just make everything better, because cramming is just so god damn fun.
Combine that with fights with my bipolar boyfriend and bipolar best friend and a suicidal episode, and you’ve got a recipe for fucking disaster.
But of course, I must smile and pretend that I didn’t do my homework because I forgot it/the dog ate it/I lost it, and those cuts are from my nonexistent cat/a tree branch/how did those get there? and no, I’m just not hungry/I already ate.
Fuck this.
